HOROSCOPE

AQUARIUS: (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great 
deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, 
causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again.  People think you are 
stupid.

PISCES:  (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI 
or CIA.  You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for 
flaunting your power.  You lack confidence and are generally a coward.  Pisces 
people do terrible things to small animals.

ARIES: (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick 
tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are not very nice.

TAURUS: (Apr 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged determination and work like 
hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed.  Taurus people have 
B.O. and fart alot.

GEMINI:  (May 21 - Jun 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like you because you are bi-
sexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little.  This 
means you are cheap.  Gemini's are known for committing incest.

CANCER: (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems.  They think 
you are a sucker.  You are always putting things off.  That's why you will never 
make anything of yourself.  Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.

LEO:  (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are pushy.  Most Leo 
people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike honest criticism.  Your arrogance 
is disgusting.  Leo people are thieves.

VIRGO: (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You're the logical type and hate disorder.  This is nit-picking and is sickening 
to your friends if you have any.  You are cold and unemotional and often fall 
asleep while having sex. Virgo's make good bus drivers.

LIBRA: (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a 
man, you are more than likely a queer.  Most Libra women are prostitutes.  
Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. All Libra's have 
venereal diseases.

SCORPIO:  (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will achieve the pinnacle 
of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio's are murderers.

SAGITTARIUS: (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless tendency to rely on 
luck because of your total lack of talent.  The majority of Sagittarians are 
drunks or dope fiends.  People laugh at you a great deal.

CAPRICORN: (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything 
and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorn's 
should avoid standing still too long as a dog might think you are a tree and 
piss on you.