On-Line Coven Initiation Ritual Log I wrote this as stress relief. A very heated argument was occurring in my Pagan Realm e-group" , and I got tired of arguing and correcting people about what I really said and didn't say... Any way, this helped me to get my sense of humor back.. Oh, and by the way.. THIS IS A JOKE PEOPLE! Blessings! Tarty ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HPS>> Before we start our initiation ritual, I have an announcement. Fluffy Moon Ferret has totally burned out her hard drive and probably won't be able to get back on line for at least two weeks EAST>> Darn! She was going to teach us how to make cyber corn dollies next week [:-(] HP>> Can I suggest that we table this and get down to business? EAST>>Yes, sorry HP>> We're about to start the initiation ritual. Is everyone ready? WEST>> Present EAST>> Ready SOUTH>>Roger INITIATE>> I am ready ~~(1 minute pause)~~ HPS>> North? ~~(1 minute pause)~~ HP>>NORTH?? NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot HPS>> Ok, we are all here. Initiate, are you skyclad and ready? INITIATE>> Not yet-- hold on, I need to get a pillow HP>>Pillow? INITIATE>>Yes, I have a metal chair here at my desk. OK-- BRB ~~(2 minute pause)~~ INITIATE>> Ok, I am ready and skyclad HPS>>Good, now do you have the cord? INITIATE>> Yes, I have an orange one I got on sale at the fabric store today, is that ok? HP>>It will have to do. OK, now, tie your hands behind your back, then bring the cord up around your neck... INITIATE>>Ummm.... I can't do that by myself.. HPS>>Do you have anyone there to help you? INITIATE>>Only my mom, but she would kill me if she knew what I was doing in here HP>>OK, forget the cord. Do you have the blindfold? INITIATE>>Yes, I do HPS>>OK, put the blindfold on and don't peek while we cast the circle. Give us about four minutes INITIATE>>OK, I'm going to put the blindfold on now, how will I know when you are ready for me? HP>>Do you have an alarm clock? INITIATE>>Yes, but it's in my room HP>>Can you go get it? INITIATE>>Yes, but I'd have to put my clothes on-- my mom is in the next room HPS>>Never mind, just put on the blindfold and count to 240 INITIATE>>OK ~~(4 minute pause)~~ HPS>> Initiate? ~~(1 minute pause) HP>>INITIATE?? HPS>>Maybe he got disconnected? INITIATE>>I am here-- are you ready for me? HPS>>Yes, the circle is cast. Do you have your sword? INITIATE>>Sword? HP>>Yes, while you imagine that I am holding my sword with the tip against your heart I want you to hold your sword in the same way INITIATE>>I don't have a sword.. HP>>Do you have an athame? INITIATE>>no.. HP>>Do you have anything sharp in there? INITIATE>>There's a pen on the desk.. HP>>Ok, point the pen at your heart INITIATE>>OK HP>>How do you enter this circle? INITIATE>>In perfect love and perfect trust HPS>>Good, now I need to whisper the sacred words to you INITIATE>>whisper? HPS>>Yes, do you have two phone lines? I can call you with them INITIATE>>No, only one HPS>>Ok, I'll e-mail them to you BRB **HPS has left the chat room** ~~(1 minute pause)~~ **HPS has joined the chat room** HPS>>Ok, I mailed them INITIATE>>OK, I'll go look **INITIATE has left the chat room** ~~(1 minute pause)~~ **INITIATE has joined the chatroom** INITIATE>>I can't get into my hotmail-- I keep getting a message that the servers are down HPS>>OK, you can get them later. Now imagine that I am pushing you from behind into the circle INITIATE>>from behind? HPS>>Yes, kinda like you are tilted, I am holding on to the cord. Oh wait.. no cord.. ok, just pretend I am pushing you into the circle INITIATE>>Ok HPS>>Now we are going to go around the circle three times. INITIATE>>OK ~~(1 minute pause)~~ HPS>>Now we're stopping in front of the altar and I am holding the scourge INITIATE>>OK HP>>You must kneel at the altar while the High Priestess scourges you INITIATE>>Do you want me to imagine that I am kneeling in front of the altar or do you really want me to kneel in front of my computer? HP>>Can you kneel and still see the screen? HPS>>If he kneels he must also put his head down on the floor HP>>Well, I guess he can't kneel then HPS>>Yes, he can, I have an idea. Initiate--kneel and put your head to the floor and imagine that I am scourging you INITIATE>>OK HPS>>I am now scourging you ~~(2 minute pause)~~ HPS>>Initiate you must now scourge me twice as many times ~~(1 minute pause) HPS>>Initiate? HP>>INITIATE??? INITATE>> I am here, now what do I need to do? HP>>You must imagine that you are scourging the High Priestess WEST>>I need to go-- the baby woke up and needs to be fed HP>>Can you feed him at the computer? WEST>>Yes, I'll bring him back here with me. North, can you cut me a door? ~~( 1 minute pause)~~ WEST>>I really need to go-- the baby is crying HP>>NORTH?? NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot HP>>Can you cut West a door? NOW? NORTH>>OK, all set **WEST has left the chatroom** HPS>> Ok, should we continue or wait until West comes back? SOUTH>>I think we should continue EAST>>We should wait **WEST has joined the chatroom** WEST>>I am back, North can you cut me back in? ~~( 1 minute pause)~~ HP>>NORTH!!! NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot. West you are all set HP>>Ok, where were we? HPS>>The initiate has to scourge me. I am going to kneel down here now, and imagine that he is plying the scourge INITIATE>>Ok, I am imagining that I am scourging the High Priestess ~~( 2 minute pause)~~ INITIATE>>I am done HP>>Priestess? ~~(1 minute pause)~~ HPS>>I need to go right now HP>>Why? We are not finished here HPS>>I banged my head on the desk when I got up-- hard-- I am bleeding all over my computer. I need to go to the ER for stitches **HPS has left the chatroom** HP>>OK, we'll make this a healing circle instead INITIATE>>I have to go too, my mom is in the hallway screaming and wants to know what I am doing **INITIATE has left the chatroom** HP>> OK, everyone go light candles and we'll try to do this again tomorrow night **Chatroom closed** Logging off 2-15-01 01:32:41 am EST c 2001 Raven Gilmartin ____________