You might be a Redneck Pagan if...

                                 

  * If you think "widdershins" refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next
    door....

  * If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg....

  * If you think a goblet is a young turkey....

  * If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse....

  * If you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis"....

  * If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13....

  * If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene....

  * If you pronounce "athame" as "athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or
    "Sam-hayn"....

  * If you think a "Sidhe" is a girl....

  * If your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team....

  * If your Bard plays the banjo....

  * If your 'Long Lost Friend' really IS....

  * If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more,
    plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars....

  * If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod....

  * If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger
    than your head....

  * If you call the quarter by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....

  * If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....

  * If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm
    equipemnt on the back....

  * If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker....

  * If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun....

  * If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels,
    long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots....

  * If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff....

  * If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21....

  * If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words "After you
    turn off the paved road"....

  * If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag....

  * If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle....

  * If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still....

  * If you use an engine block for an altar....

  * If your High Priestess is your cousin - as well as your wife....

  * If, when drawing down the moon, you say, "Ya'll come on down, ya hear?"....

  * If your pickup truck has an athame rack....

  * If your crystal ball made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)....

  * If your High Priestess has a spitoon on her altar....

                          You might be a Redneck Pagan!