SOME NOTES ON CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Conflict is any difference between people that causes a problem. There are 
always differences between us, but when those differences make us distrust, get 
angry at, or be afraid of others, there arises conflict.

Conflict is not a bad thing. It is a necessary part of every community. Conflict 
brings about change --by calling into question the older ways. Conflict brings 
about unity --by forcing us to confront and listen to one another. Conflict 
brings about balance in an organization --by making us change ourselves in 
response to our friends' needs.

Remember: if nobody fights, nobody cares.

Conflicts always are built on three basic types of issues. These are known as 
"high ground" issues, "middle ground" issues, and "swamp" issues.

High ground issues involve relatively easily solvable problems dealing with 
things like: matters of fact (how things really are) analysis of fact (how we 
interpret how things are) jurisdiction (who's responsible for what) function 
(who does what --job descriptions.)

High ground issues can be solved 80% of the time.

Middle ground issues are more complicated. They involve two major areas:
Value - -statement of worth (good, bad, worst, better)
Ability --competence.

If one party is on the high ground and the other party is on "Value," the 
chances of resolution are only 50%. If one party is on the high ground and
the other is on "Ability," chances are only 40%.

The last area of issues is called the "swamp" because it is the most destructive 
of areas. It involves issues of Affect, Status and Morality. Affect: emotional 
response: "I like, love, hate... Highly destructive. Things get blown out of
proportion. 
Status: inferiority or superiority. When people are not treated equally.
Morality: right, wrong, name-calling.

If either side is in the "swamp" the chances of resolution are less than 10%.

Most conflicts arise from a real or perceived concept of shifting power within a 
community.

There are five types of power to keep in mind:
Coercive power --power by force
Legitimate power --power by position or title
Expert power -–power by knowledge /skill/ ability
Reward power --power by the ability to give a reward
Referent power -- power by strength of association (do people like you?)

Two types of conflict:
Pure (win/win situation) -80% of all conflicts
Competitive (win/lose situation) -20% of all conflicts. (The only way to "win" 
this kind of conflict is to destroy your opponent.)

For a conflict to be resolved, four things are necessary:
Ability to Reason (people must be intelligent enough, not mentally ill, and not 
on drugs or alcohol)
Interpersonal Skills (assertiveness and empathy are required.)
Access to One Another (you must be able to talk together, and both must really 
listen.)
Leverage (there must be a reason why differing sides need to resolve their 
differences.)

This evening we'll use a five-step resolution process:

Determine what kind of conflict it is. Is it pure or competitive? (If it's 
competitive, forget about it!) Is it just a misunderstanding?
Solution is simple.

Define the conflict. What are the issues, from both points of view? . How far 
apart are you? (see types of issues above.) Is the reward for resolution greater 
than the cost of the conflict?

(As long as the reward exceeds the cost, we will practice the behavior. To find 
resolution, we must make the problem behavior cost more and/or reward the 
desired behavior.)

Negotiate a settlement. Look for solutions that will be mutually advantageous. 
Propose alternatives. Find one that both can live with and that does not 
diminish anyone. 

Reach agreement. This must be a specific, concrete agreement that can be 
monitored and enforced. An agreement reached in front of neutral third party is 
best. Accept responsibility. Each person must take personal responsibility for 
making the agreement stick. Be specific about what each person will do.

The Resolution Process:

Rules: A wand will be used as a talking stick. Do not talk unless you have the 
wand in hand. The Monitor (leader) will ring a bell if anyone violates this. 
When the bell is rung, everyone be quiet and immediately hand the wand over to 
the Monitor.

Anyone wishing to speak simply raises their hand until the wand is passed. The 
Leader (and the Play-fair) will try to stay aware of inequalities in talking.

Others: Several neutral observers should hold special positions:
Alter ego: This person would look for hidden agendas and offer them to 
individuals as called for.
Explainer: This person would attempt to explain peoples' positions when they get 
stuck.
Jester: This person would attempt to lighten things up whenever it gets too 
heavy.
Play - fair: Brings any "unfair" actions or comments to the group's attention,

(These special roles follow the same rules: they must have the wand to speak. At 
any time, any of the parties in conflict can shut up the person in a special 
role. When a role-player wishes to speak as a participant, they raise one hand 
like everyone else. If they wish to speak out of their role, they raise two 
hands, and are "next" in line to speak, regardless of who was first. A
roleplayer who interrupts the flow this way may only speak as a roleperson, not 
personally.)

Answer the following questions in order:

1. What type of conflict are we dealing with? Pure conflict or competitive? 
Misunderstanding?

2. What is the definition of the conflict? Each side should explain their 
position. As you explain your position, try to identify it by type of issue
(high ground, middle ground or swamp). The explainer might be helpful here.

3. What kind of resolution can we find? Negotiate a settlement. Try to find 
solutions that are good for both sides. Don't negotiate away your self-worth!

4. What specific agreement can we reach? Be very specific. Set up alternatives, 
rewards/costs etc.

5. Who is responsible for what parts of the agreement? Each person should 
publicly state everything they are agreeing to do. Responsibility is always a 
personal thing.

REMEMBER: Competition, ego-centeredness and power-over situations are inventions 
of the patriarchy. When we succumb to the temptations of power, we fall into the 
patriarchal trap.

Cooperation, power from within and recognition of the worth of every person are 
intrinsic to the Old Way.

In this small community of pagans, we are trying to create a tiny oasis of 
sanity in a world gone mad with power.

Blessed be!

Rel