THE PROTECTORS RECLAIMING MEN'S ANCIENT ROLE IN A PARTNERSHIP SOCIETY By Rel Davis -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Men's Role Statement: We are the Protectors... Men of strength reclaiming our ancient role as full partners in a society of equals... We were seduced into the Dominator role so we could be dominated by others... But we have found we can be strong without creating victims... We are the protectors... Of women, of children, of the elderly, Of the poor, the oppressed, the disenfranchised, Of the earth and all her creatures, Of the art and literature of all nations... We are not afraid of our own strengths, of the strength of our convictions, the strength of our emotions, or the strength of our bonds with women and with other men... We will never resort to violence, for that is the dominator way, but we will use all force necessary to protect what we cherish... We are the Protectors! There is a story told about a famous actor who was dining with a young woman. For the first hour and a half he did nothing but talk about his accomplishments, his many roles, his best attributes, his great wealth. Finally he stopped. "But enough about me," he said unctuously, "I'd like to hear what you have to say as well. Tell me, what did you think about my latest movie?" My women friends tell me this is an accurate portrayal of the male role. Men, they say, want to dominate conversations, relationships, professions, politics and even sex! Numerous studies have shown this to be so. Deborah Tannen, in her book, You Just Don't Understand, described men using conversation as a hierarchical exercise. Two men conversing with each other are automatically trying to get into a stronger position in relation to the other. One-upmanship. We men seem instinctively to need to dominate our world. But it isn't instinctive, and (my women friends will be interested to know) we don't do it just to be mean! Men are trained to be competitors from the time we can pick up a toy ball and we are taught to carry that competition into our communication, our relationships and the way we function in the world. Before we learn to talk, we learn to compete. Look at the images of men on television. The strong, silent type dominates. If he's the "good guy" he must be able to defeat the "bad guy" in hand-to-hand combat! He never shows any emotions. Women worship him as a god. He must be smarter, tougher, wittier, more urbane, more handsome and more capable than anyone else. That is, he must be able to compete better than anyone else. Another male image is shown in situation comedies. Here, the man constantly acts macho and is engaged in a constant battle with a female. The fact that he usually loses doesn't keep him from continuing to attempt to dominate. The message is plain: men must compete, even if they're stupid. The goal of competition, of course, is to win -- to be dominant. Now there might be nothing wrong with competition in a sports situation, but our society has made competition -- that is, dominance -- the primary role of all males in our culture. Such a role leads to some serious problems -- for men even more than for women. First, the dominant individual in a relationship becomes responsible for the other person. By claiming more power, men in our culture have become trapped into the role of provider. We feel responsible for the physical welfare of our families. Many of us have become workaholics, literally killing ourselves for the glory of being top-dog provider in our family. Abe Lincoln told a story about a man who was tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail. As he was being carried out of town he was heard to remark: "If it weren't for the honor of the thing, I'd just as soon walk!" Frankly, that about sums up my feeling about society's making me solely responsible for my family's well-being. Second, without true equality there can be no real love. As Martin Buber wrote in The I and the Thou, the act of mutual affirmation which is love can not exist between two individuals of unequal power. If I claim to be am your superior in importance, I am able to relate to you not as a "thou" (or personal "you") but as an "it." You are a thing, a piece of property, something to be used. Males in our society are even taught that they don't really need love. Men are "tough" and "strong" and don't need anyone else. But we all need love to maintain a healthy existence. The fact that one-half our population is taught not to get the love they want (and the other half is usually deprived of love by being treated as inferiors) is probably the reason we live in such an insane society. No one in our culture is taught how to love and to be loved. When we do learn how, we do so almost by accident. Third, the basic distrust created by constant competitiveness leads to other societal problems which tend to take lives. I'm talking about wars, crime, and violence. A lot of innocent people die in these cultural pastimes but often the largest portion of the victims are the men who practice the competitiveness itself. We victimize ourselves by our blind assumption of society's role as dominators. Fourth, dominance creates more dominance. The man who claims the dominator role in his own home is the same person who meekly submits to his dictatorial boss' dominance at work. Watch all those tough, macho men groveling at the feet of a visiting politician or movie star or general. It's disgusting -- but that's how it works. If I accept the validity of my own dominance in my home I have also accepted the validity of other people's dominance over me. This leads to political inequalities, hierarchical bureaucracies, widespread abuses of power and the concentration of power in the hands of the very few. The practice of male dominance really benefits a very few people -- those on the very top of society's heap. And fifth, the pressures inherent in a competitive role guarantee that men live shorter lives than they should. Physiologically, we are told, men probably are built to live a few years less than most women -- three or four years at most. Actuarial tables, on the other hand, demonstrate that men in reality live seven or eight years less than women. Those extra years are part of the price we men pay for living in the society we are born to. Required to be the primary financial support for our families... Required to always be on top, in every situation... Required to be responsible for everything that happens to our families... And deprived of the benefit of a deep, loving relationship with an equal partner... We pay a heavy price, in years of life. In terms of actual loss, 200 million men in America will lose in one lifetime, nearly a billion years. Ironically, it doesn't have to be this way. It hasn't always been this way. And it won't always be this way! For more than 20 thousand years, men had an entirely different role in human society. We were not the providers, nor were we the dominators, nor were we subservient -- to anyone. Recent research into Neolithic cultures -- those civilizations that existed for thousands of years before so-called "modern" times -- reveals some interesting facts about the way humans lived before the dominator era. The archeological record shows no evidence of poverty, of war, of slavery, of class distinction, of gender domination. Even the peasant farmers in Minoan Crete (the last of the old civilizations to fall to Iron Age invaders) lived comfortably according to all evidence. Men and women in the old civilizations were apparently equal in every way; they were buried equally, usually side-by-side, with identical amounts of earthly goods. For tens of millennia, men and women lived in a partnership society -- neither ruling the other and neither dominant over the other. Only later, when war became a fact of life in human existence as a result of widespread invasions of the peaceful agrarian cultures by warlike nomads, did distinctions of class, race and gender become common. What was the ancient role of the male in the old societies? The Old English words for "lord" and "lady" are instructive. Both of these words are based on the Old English word hlaf, meaning "bread." Our modern word "loaf" comes from the same source. (Now you know where the "a" in "loaf" comes from!) The word "lady" originally was hlaf dige, literally, "giver (or kneader) of the bread." The women were the caretakers of the stores of grain in ancient times and they gave out the grain equally to everyone who needed it. They kept the records and maintained the distribution system. The word "lord" (compare the Scottish "laird") was hlaf ward, "protector or guardian of the bread." The Old English word "ward" or "weard" originally meant a "protector" or "guard." Men were the protectors of the stores of grain. Men built the houses and the cities which provided protection for society. The two roles were simply assigned according to basic ability. Women, the first farmers and thus accustomed to managing a household, became the managers or keepers of the supplies of food. Men, being larger and physically stronger, took on the role of guardians of society. In all other respects, however, men and women were equal. Both roles were necessary for civilization to maintain itself. We need to return to our old roles! We need to reclaim our birthright as men. We need to begin acting as equals in society, both with women and with other men. Many men today feel threatened by the women's movement -- threatened by what they see as a loss of power. * Actually, the women's movement is the best thing that ever happened to men in our society, because the only appropriate partner for a strong man is a strong woman (or another strong man, for gay males!) When women become equal to men, men also become equal to women. Many men today feel uncertain about their role in society -- flopping back and forth from dominant to submissive toward women. * There's no need for either dominance or submissiveness in society. No one should ever be made to feel inferior to any other person. That applies to men and women alike. We need to reclaim our ancient roles as partner-protectors. We need to stop bowing to dominators of whatever gender! Many men today would like to be able to express their feelings and form strong bonding with other men but feel they can do so only in organizations that emphasize subservience to higher authorities. * Men today don't need to turn to any authority outside themselves! We need to recognize our innate abilities and realize we are capable of strong feelings and of strong relationships with women and with other men. Many men today are appalled by the injustices of the world, the hunger, the environmental destruction and the wars that seem to rage everywhere, but they don't know what to do about such problems, which are bigger than we are. * Nothing is bigger than all humankind together. We must regain our roles as protectors and begin organizing to provide protection to everyone in our world who needs it. Some points to remember about the Protector role: First, protection is not the same as domination. We protect an equal who asks for our assistance. We don't force anyone to accept our protection. We are protectors in a partnership society. Second, a protector does not become responsible for the person being protected. Responsibility is a personal thing. Each person in a partnership society is responsible for her- or himself. As a human being I am broadly responsible for the well- being of all other humans, and of nature herself, but I am not individually responsible to any other person other than myself. (This does not, of course, apply to dependent children. Both parents are equally responsible for children they bring into the world, until the children become adults, when all responsibility ends.) Third, the Protector-Keeper roles are equal partnerships. Neither is more important than the other. Both are responsible for meeting the needs of the individual and of the family, through cooperative arrangements. Both are responsible for raising children (if there are children) and both are responsible for maintaining the home. The only difference lies in the individual strengths of each person in a couple relationship. The Protector accepts responsibility for the safety of the family. The Keeper accepts responsibility for remembering traditions and passing them on. Fourth, the Protector-Keeper roles are somewhat interchangeable. Many men are more comfortable as Keepers than as Protectors. Many women are probably more comfortable as Protectors than Keepers. The Protector role is a traditional position that most men in history have been comfortable with. It is not a mandatory role for every male. There must be room in any sane society for women who prefer the Protector role and for men who prefer the Keeper role. I would like to see an organization of men which operates from the assumption of men as partner-protectors in society. The attached "Role Statement" is intended to serve as a model for just such an organization. Women are already organized to work for a partnership society. It's time we men did so as well. Blessed Be!